THE HEADLINE YOULL NEVER SEE: ‘Frustrating customer issues cured by unemployed people’

 After six years of Zirp & QE, the shareholders are doing just fine. Now it’s everyone else’s turn

On the Lenovo  100-15.6 page at their ‘problems community’ site, there are 40 pages of 35 user entries per page. No attempt is made by Lenovo to sort these into categories or give the ‘service’ an alphabetical index. Under each entry, there are an average of 2.7 other users with the same problem. 19 out of 35 problems per page have zero responses, and a further 1.5 have replies but no solution.

Here’s some basic maths from all that. At any given moment, 4,780 Lenovo 100 ideapad users are experiencing problems with the product, and of these, 2,606 are getting nowhere at all. A few others are getting nowhere, but are at least meeting new people which is nice. If you have a problem, you’ll need the assistance of our old friend Percy Verance in ploughing through nearly 5,000 entries.

Taking a sample at random of 700 folks who had paid €300 and received nothing of any value, some 62% of Lenovo customers had a problem involving Microsoft product malfunction.

If real, trained human beings were employed by Microsoft to deal with these problems – and thus comply with tougher laws on after-sales service – it is alleged that institutional shareholders would be badly hit by lost dividends and a falling share price.

On 24th December 2010, the Microsoft share price was $28. Five years on, the price was $56. I would suggest therefore, that in a world of shrinking incomes, the shareholders have done pretty well. So maybe it’s time for society to get some payback. You know – stable, healthy and liberal democratic society, as opposed to the corporate society.

Action: politicians, lawyers, senior MSFT executives no hang on they’re all greedy deadbeats.

Revised Action: customers, voters, consumer action groups, trade unions

The Slog’s 2-for-1 special Christmas Tale