LATER WITH JEWELS ALTMANN: Everybody’s friend on the way up

Sooner or later, she deserts the losers and embraces the winners

Most people think of Ros Altmann as the piece of work who knifed her way into Government, and then cut WASPI’s throat with it. But her past reveals how this precious stone has always sought the greener grass on the other side of the hill.


Cross-Party collaborator Ros ‘jewels’ Altmann turned the tables on her critics last night by at last explaining why Westminster MPs did up to but not including something useful about the pension dilemma for sixty years.


“Everyone was convinced that someone would drop the bomb and we’d all be killed anyway,” she smiled.


“Also,” she added, ” the average age of MPs framing the policy was 61. Research shows that 30% of them were pissed, 70% of them had inherited money, and 0% gaveAF because they’d be dead by the time it hit the fan anyway. We are all,” she concluded, “human”.


Perhaps Ros was being a little generous including herself in that definition, because Fleet Street is awash with rumours that Ms Altmann is in fact a Cyborg invented by De Beers to advertise their wares. A former investment banker, Ros loves watching Antiques Roadshow, drooling over jewellery, and occasionally selling herself as an exhibit. Her passionate hope is that one day she will achieve the reserve price, and be saved for the nation. It’s all part of her love for the Old, which isn’t always apparent, but must be true because it says so on her website:


Indeed, she was the UK Government’s Business Champion for Older Workers, and for her tireless efforts alongside Dave Cameo she was awarded a CBE in the Queen’s Birthday Honours 2014 for Services to Pensioners and Pension provision. Before that she served as an adviser to Moral Tone when he was Prime Minister, and thus enjoys the unique accolade of having toiled mercilessly for two of the greatest money-grabbing, false and mendacious dissemblers in British political history.

However, it does seem that Rosalind is a little sketchy in her understanding of the loyalty thing. Having worked for Blair and joined the Labour Party, Gordian McDoom ensured they lost power, and Altmann joined the LibDems. When Napper Cleggover and his Men were annihilated, she joined the Tory Party….the least she could do really, as Dodgy Dave had just given her a gong and a seat in the Lords.

So anyway, Nigel Farage, you may hope as I do for the right result on June 23rd, but be careful what you wish for: a Brexit followed by a fall from power for the Pumped-Up one  will have Ros Altmann slithering all over you….pehaps in her evening job as Mistress Miriam, Baroness of Whiplash.

And let’s also remember just how steadfast Ros was when it came to those WASPI women: having supported them when it gave her pensions consultancy a high profile, on joining Camerlot, lots of well-informed people wondered why did she not fight the state pension age changes from within the government. Those doing the wondering included Citywire, Pension Life, The Daily Telegraph, The Guardian, Savvywoman, MoneysavingExpert, Age UK, and Before It’s News….in fact, 1,700+ bloggers and mainstream news sites.

Astonishingly, there remain some within the ranks of WASPI who think Ros Altmann may yet come good. Forget it, girls: she went bad a long time ago.

Yesterday at The Slog: Dodgy Dave’s Dissembling Decade