SUNDAY SMILE: Brexit Boris leaks Sturgeon peaceful Islam muddle in Richmond scumfascist Starmer riddle

mesmile As the ghost of George Orwell continues to haunt us, it seems that hard and soft Brexit are now Undescriptions. There is only, going forward, black, grey and white Brexit – with no prizes for guessing which of these are furthest from the wishes of those who voted BrexitMeansBrexit.

So, at least, the Cabinet Office spin trolls have decreed; well that, and the edict declaring that henceforth, calling the Foreign Secretary Boris is Off Message. I shall continue to call him BoJo, but others may choose alternative soubriquets – for example, Doris, Dingbat, Drunk, Dumbo,  Bonzo, BlondTurk, Bastard, Bellend, Bully or things that rhyme with D and B and also C and that stands for Crook.

Biggest laugh of the day, however, should be aimed at Cabinet Secretary Jeremy Heywood, who sent a memo to Mayflower crew members saying all leaks must stop as the floors of Number Ten are awash with piss. The memo was promptly leaked and displayed across the centre pages of the Mail on Sunday.

Less funny but still surreal was the Scottish Mosque visit called by Nicola Sturgeon as the centrepiece for “greater religious tolerance in the UK”….an entity she no longer wishes to be part of.

Mrs Surgeperson is desperately in need of such gymnastics, as her poll ratings are more stagnant than surging: the SNP’s Caledonian level of support having slumped to 40%.

The Mosque visit was to pay her respects to a Muslim murdered as a direct result of his beliefs. The twist in this narrative is that the bloke concerned – a well-liked and harmless shopkeeper – was murdered by an Islamic. The victim had migrated to Britain in order to protect his family from attacks upon his Jihad-rejecting Muslim sect. Thanks to the potty immigration polices of Theresa May, we were unable to protect him.

Meanwhile, the Corbynistas lost their deposit in the Richmond by-election, and so the seat was taken by the LibDems. Asked whether this made a case for an anti-Tory Alliance in some seats, Labour idiot Remainer Keir Starmer told Andrew Marr this morning that this would not be possible as “the two Parties have almost nothing in common”.

Er, well: apart that is from being pro-EU, anti-Tory, pro-NHS, anti-UKIP, anti-Trump, anti-Israel and anti-Putin. Nothing in common to see here….move along please and view the next tableau, entitled Comprehensive Defeat when May calls a Snap Election about Brexit Terms.

I close with this thought: am I the only one who thinks it slightly odd that – after 25 years of being ignored by the Labour metro-élite – traditional solid-core Labour voters have transmuted overnight from being The Noble Workers behind this Great Movement of ours to Ignorant poorly educated scumfascistbigots?

And is it not odd that this interpretation is the one thing that Blairites, Corbynistas and Smithite technocrats have in common?