GEUK17: wild betting, hair-splitting & Displacement Suicide Syndrome


Right across Britain, Labour supporters are queueing round the block to place bets on Labour at 16-1….so certain are they that Jeremy is going to overturn all the odds and romp into Downing Street on June 9th.

Yesterday, leading chain Paddy Ladbroke told The Slog that “we have had Labour supporters packing out all our outlets this week in an effort to get fixed odds before they shorten”.

But it is yet another dimension of Jeremy Coalbin’s uniqueness that everything he does defies all the normal rules of settled science. Because although Labour was at 11-1 last week, after £35billion of betting monies were put behind the Labour leader this week, the odds are now 16-1.

What’s more, the trend seems to be going viral. Some €40m in bets was placed on a Le Pen victory just before last weekend, even though French psephologist Révine Bonquairs said, “A wern-legged man winnin’ a berm-kickin’ corntest would ‘ave more chance zan ‘er”.

What’s going on here? We asked fashionably contrarian social anthropologist Algernon Frogspawn for his view. This is what he told The Slog:

“It is a predictable human reaction, when faced with the near-certain prospect of being governed by useless psychopaths, to deal with the madness in one of two ways. First, by biting every available helping hand venomously; and second, by making the impending insanity somehow more bearable by acting in a manner even more tonto themselves.

“What we are seeing right around the world now is what I have dubbed Displacement Suicide Syndrome. I had to dub it because the Hungarian shrink who said it first didn’t speak English”.

“So Algae” I asked “are you saying that those clearly on the losing side become unable to tell fantasy from reality?” He said:

“Yes, indeed they come to think that they can will victory to happen by tweeting 709 times a day about their supreme certainty of victory, or putting insane bets on obvious losers. Even when the result is announced, they demonstrate with placards that say ‘We are the 21%’ and so forth…”

“And what does the demonstration itself mean?” I wondered.

“That they’re complete fuckwits who just need a bloody good slap and then get back to school for a second go”.

So then, conclusive proof that putting your money where your mouth is requires no bravery at all. And no brain. But diving back into Twitter to try and prove you’re not the idiot, ill-prepared joke everything thinks you are does require a great deal of guts:


For decades, people with sharply pointed heads in the physics space have been trying to prove that it is possible to split the hair actually and infinitely as opposed to just metaphorically once. But here, in one fell stumble, Ms Abbott has shown conclusively that, if you’re both pedantic and daft, it’s a piece of piss.

I can hear her now – heading for the third car crash interview – as she tells another anchor (Kirsty Wark perhaps?) that “we in the Labour Party have always firmly believed that snooping is an offence against the citizen’s individual rights, but security is an entirely different kettle of worms”.

Which is, quite clearly, why the American NSA is a branch of security, and called surveillance. Or, um, snooping.

Will Diane dig herself deeper by saying that security is spooking not snooping? Don’t miss next week’s endless opportunities to see.