The Twattering Classes

metoday3Once more into the breach-birth that is Twitter, this time to discover that Theresa May’s tablet is set to 1760, David Lammy’s to 1590, Boris Johnson’s to 1958, and Owen Jones’s to 1931. Insurrection, gunpowder, Jarrow marchers and duffle coats are once more back in fashion.


In this the digital age of 24/7/365 news, it’s good to see the British Prime Minister living up to her pledge to keep the People up to date with her latest thinking at all times. As an exemplary expression of that promise, this is the latest tweet from 10 Downing Street:


One must accept that there will be certain teething troubles when it comes to the laying of Atlantic cable; but we do need a statute of limitations, in the meantime, as to how long it takes the packet steamer to cross the Pond. Having received news of the loss of the American colonies some 200 years ago, I find myself a little ahead of the music re this one.

But spare a thought while you’re at it for poor David Lammy, who has as yet had no confirmation of the abolition of slavery. This seems odd, given that he’s taken on board the idea of  long distance flying machines. Even odder is his belief that chains are still in regular use on transatlantic aerial transport:


Well David, the answer to your rhetorical question is that the new ethnically cleansed Home Secretary puts the number at 31. Call my maths wacky, but that makes the scale of this scandal 100,000 times smaller than that of 1950s-born SPA “reform” victims. But who’s counting, eh? Certainly not you David, as this next equally disgraceful tweet shows:


On the whole, I’d imagine that the only thing worse than having an ally called David Lammy would be to have a second ally called Diane Abbott. I also wonder if either of these diverse persons has ever actually been to Northern Ireland, and if indeed they would GAF about its politics were it not for the fact that using the abortion word is sure to embarrass the Mayflower crew.

The only reason for so doing, of course, would be to further undermine the decision by the British People to exit the European Union.

Supplementary question: have Dave and Di ever been to Greece, Hungary, Turkey, Italy or Poland?

One chap who has been to all those places while drumming up support for his war upon the Truth about universal usage of chemical weapons is Doris Jobsdone. His tweet yesterday was a brave declaration of war upon all those maniacs at Porton Down who had the temerity to disagree with him about the CIA sponsored production Not Actually Death in Salisbury:


I congratulate BoJo on his insight in suggesting that this is a key moment to release the OPCW from its dungeon in JohnBolton Castle. But somehow I doubt if his pledge of “no impunity” would stretch to the next station along the line, Immunity.

And finally – what better place to put Owen Jones than last? – the only macho Momentum gay in the village tweeted this today:


Dropping down briefly from his 48% high ground to 43%, Owen omits to mention that this means 57% of Britons don’t believe it. Further, we must surely ask whether more than 5% of we Brits would know (let lone agree about) what a “genuinely” socialist government means.

If the definition is in any way linked to the social attitudes of the USSR, then Owen the Red needs to be careful what he wishes for: right up until its final collapse, the Soviet empire declared homosexuality to be “a decadent Western bourgeois disease that does not exist in the USSR”.

Twitter is, at the best of times, a nasty cockpit. But its unthinking soundbites are a rich seam of parody and satire.

Earlier at the Slog: Disunity in the United States