The Twattering Classes


Somebody should tell the Corbynista Politburo that it needs to purge David Lammy. He is the only tweeter I know – perhaps the only Brit – left capable of evoking sympathy for Theresa May:


The trouble with Lammykins is that he’s a lousy cook: the bloke always over-eggs the pudding. Up to thirteen words in, he had me about to retweet. But attaching the economy-wrecking, environmental destruction of the future of Yoof solely to one little Alt State gofer is just the nursery politics of a humourless Cyclops.

Had he any wit or sense of the ridiculous, I don’t like to think what he could have made of this profoundly surreal tweet from ‘er indoors at Number 10:


David could have commented, for example, that he welcomed the idea of Theresa taking a welcome break from Euro-humiliation in order to bask in the brief sunlight of being Die Führerin – prior to being knifed by all sides in her hopelessly split Party. But Mr Lambast has feet of clay and brain. Cheer up, Dave: another 50% and you’ll be a fullwit. Or something similar.

You see, reminding the electorate that the Prime Minister is a lump of waterlogged wood with her finger on the pulse of the 1% makes shooting ducks in a barrel seem a tricky job by comparison:


So this is Mother Theresa suggesting that free toothpaste can clear your throat cancer. I mean, can you even conceive of any minister thirty years ago – in any party, including Monster Raving Looney – seriously trying to suggest that stamp duty increases in a tiny housing market niche are going to clear our streets of those left behind by mental health cuts, pension embezzlement, deregulated employment laws, gush-up wealth and neoliberal bourse profiteering?

But there sit the Labour Corbynistas…..five points behind in the latest opinion poll. And this is what’s on their collective mind:


There are 56 points I could make about the superficial logic-leap of this tweet, but I’ll stick to three.  First, Jesus was 32 years old when he died: single, a craftsman menuisier, and a Jewish boy living at home with his mum. Call me a stereotyper, but it has often struck me that he was probably gay.

Second, if so – and to be blunt, even if he wasn’t – nobody but nobody in Roman Judea would have dared to even hint that he ever so much as imagined that homosexuality was anything other than the worst form of degeneracy. But on the one in a million chance that any idiot would be so dumb as to express such surreal tolerance, he would’ve been stoned to death before sundown.

Third and final point, such an attitude to homosexuals continues today in many Islamic countries. When he defends Islam and drivels on about “Islamophobia”, for some reason it never occurs to Owen (and his fellow-travelling feminists) that gay men and independent women are to the Mullahs what Donald Trump is to them.

But there you go: that’s cognitive dissonance for you. And seeing 15 BC from the perspective of 2018. And not knowing a bloody thing about the Dead Seas scrolls. And being so lightweight, you have to have someone nail your feet to the scaffold in order to avoid floating off into the sky and becoming a political protest barrage balloon over London.

Trusting you had an enjoyable weekend. Monday morning beckons….