At the End of the Day

Man who overruled the Sage Committee in tragic helicopter death mystery

I don’t get much R&R at The Slog these days, so tonight I intend to indulge myself. There comes a point during the culturo-ethical decline of a civilisation when ongoing examples of dangerously inane belief systems and truly pathetic lies evoke involuntary laughter.

Every time I hear Boris Johnson calling C19 “a plague” or “the greatest threat to health since” didardeedah, for example, I find myself wondering if he’s like that at home with the fragrant Carrie. So she says, “Dahhling, should we get a man to do something about the wallpaper tear in Wilfred’s bedroom, yah?” and Boris answers, “That’s one small tear to you, but it’s a sign that Number Ten is sinking like a gigantic millstone into the treacherous clay of our Westminster redoubt, and we must bring in the army to pump 20,000 tons of reinforced, um, something or other under the house, or we shall be swallowed up and asphyxiated horribly before our time by next Tuesday and we shall fight Crack20 on the beaches and in the streets and we shall nevvah surrender”.

Other wonderful terms include The Rule of Law and Equality before the Law. Two US Navy seals convicted of strangling a senior officer twenty years ago got a year in jail each. David Cameron’s serially lying, phone-hacking cop-corrupter and former Newscorp criminal Press Secretary Andy Coulson got a jail sentence of 15 months, and was let out after four. And of course, Jeffrey Epstein got a similar sentence for under-age pimping crimes that usually attract a 20 year confinement.

There’s nothing to see here of course, but again it does make one wonder how such a legal “system” might be applied more widely – now that privilege and mob sentiment seem to be the default criteria when it comes to justice. To spur you on, here’s a newspaper clip:

Now of course, this is fake news. But we should think of it as a non-representational ‘literary painting’ designed to show what many people in the Common Purpose Big State Green Ideologue Cowardly New Globalist World think justifies injustice.

I have grown to love the International Monetary Fuckup (IMF) because it represents a steady supply of IABATO – The Slog’s abiding acronym of ‘Its All Bollocks And That’s Official’.

Today (and no, this isn’t fake news) the IMF told us that ‘Governments should not worry about the black hole in the public finances until the health crisis has passed and the recovery is firmly established…..Low interest rates have made high public debt levels manageable and although global debt will hit a record 100% of global GDP this year, policymakers should not rush to fill the hole’.

So just to be clear, every economic action we undertake at a sovereign level must be seen in the context of it achieving nothing beyond debt. So don’t whatever you do get mesmerised by the siren call of BlackHolaphobia, because Black Holes are nothing more than harmlessly peaceful attempts to suck you in and spit you out into another Multiverse.

Well of course they are, I mean for Heaven’s sake everyone who’s anyone knows that. That’s why so many job interviews these days go like this:

Employer: Here at Omnirupt, our goal is to retain our position as a World Class debt collector. If you join us in this post as Director of Cost Accountancy, how would you work to ensure that we achieve our goal?

Applicant: Well, clearly, to keep on buying things we can’t afford in order to keep collecting debt.

E: I see….so you buy into our business model then? What problems do you foresee along the way?

A: Well, one very real problem is going to be finding equally deeply indebted partners with whom we can merge in order to achieve rapid critical debt mass.

E: I can see you’ve thought this through. But what might your exit strategy be?

A: I think we have to dispense with this archaic idea that inflation is somehow a bad thing. If we borrow at Zirp interest rates but put 20% on the price of all our products, consumers will soon get used to this and charge more for their labour, while we reap the profits of charging 20% more for our goods, having borrowed at 0.1%.

E: That’s a neat solution, but won’t our labour costs go up?

A: No, because we get Azerbijharni infants to work on parts asembly, and then when they ask for a rise, we phase them out and switch to robots.

E: I think you’d fit into our mutually supportive family here very well. Tell me, what sort of remuneration did you have in mind?

A: As you’d imagine, I’ve given this a lot of consideration…not of others you understand, but purely for myself. I’d like my salary to be $670,000 per annum, in the form of an interest-free loan in perpetuity that will be repayable in March 2069….and then written off as a non-performing loan in April 2069.

E: That’s very smart. I’ll have to confer with my fellow directors, but off the record, you can consider yourself hired.