Somewhere along the merry way of phonetic politics, it seems that Kiev has become Kyiv. So alongside Peking, Mao Tse Tung and Calcutta, the capital of Ukraine is now Kyiv. This happens to be where Boris Johnson has flown as I write, in an attempt – as the increasingly schizophrenic Daily Telegraph puts it this morning – to give ‘a show of support for the country against Russian aggression, amid intense efforts by Nato allies to deter a Russian invasion of Ukraine’. And on that very same day, Canada was invaded by Zen Buddhist Nazi Truckers.
As this pertinent cartoon (left) indicates rather well, the BIDENEUNATO narrative is about as IABATO as it gets*. The Russian troops are where they are to deter NATO from playing silly buggers in Ukraine, and the Pentagon/State/CIA attempt to poke Putin into doing something he doesn’t want to do is doomed. Our Prime Minister is thus flying to Kyiv to show that by being tough, he can have no effect on Vlad whatsoever, and thus claim some kind of hollow victory.
*It’s All Bollocks And That’s Official
This hasn’t stopped USSOS Wheerknot Blinken from stating the dire consequences of Rasputin daring to try on the suit he doesn’t want to wear. I hear what Blinken is saying here, and would just like to point out that I, the Mighty All Conquering Slog, absolutely will not tolerate any attempt by the Chinese politburo to annex my redoubt here at Slogger’s Roost with a view to renaming it Moisha Dung LedBook.
Indeed, I do at times these days wonder why “the West” doesn’t try to match this obviously diabolical attempt by East European, Chinese, Asian and African hardliners to keep us confused about what places are called. After all, there is no shortage of potential in our own backyards….or indeed, Leftist ideological idiots ready to change a name given their inability to change anything else.
Why not, for instance, revert to history and pronunciation (adding a dash of pc) and give rebirth to Manchester as Personchestoh? Or revitalise Glasgow as Jammy, Newcastle as Nerrcasselpet and even Cardiff as Cardyflookyuissenit.
Americans could start calling their capital Whitewashington, the French might change Orléans to Ohehohehong, while Austria looks set to reconfigure Linz as Führerdorf. And it can’t be long before Ottawa becomes Truckortrudeau.
It’s a good game: guaranteed to break the ice at parties (except when the parties are held in Snowwhitehall).
The trip to Kyiv will be Boris’s first since he underwent plastic surgery (left) using the skin from his thumbs. This was a very useful procedure for the blond Turk, because it allows him to conduct diplomacy incognito – a secrecy threatened only by the Tsunami of press releases that announced his mission for peace. For great is the man who would give up a sovereign country for his political life. And in the small and discreet village of Cognito, he can at last find some solace and escape from the root canal surgery of Carrie Antoinette’s obsession with unsustainable power. Sorry, sorry – I meant to say energy there. Sorry.
As you can see, the new normal Boris looks nothing like the old….although it is drifting worryingly towards the Slaphead look of Obersturmbannführer Klaus von Schwabhund, the well-known sacred loose Canon of Davos. Today, BoJo declared that “just one Russian toe-cap” on Ukrainian soil would result in dire sanctions – like for example, the EU flatly refusing to buy Russian gas, without which it’ll freeze to death.
Little of which allows me to segue into the Canadian truckers, but do so I must because there are familiar signs among the media whores there that the usual attempt to brand every appeal for freedom as a Nazi insurrection is taking shape.
‘Premier ‘extremely disturbed’ by sight of swastikas, monuments desecrated‘ claims the Ottawa Citizen, whose long and insistently anti-Trucker piece below the hogwash headline offered no evidence at all of swastikas….while justifying statue desecration on the basis of one obscure bust with cardboard taped to it saying ‘Fuck Trudeau’.
See, the thing is folks, the dissonance simply gets more surreal with every carefully cultured totalitarian event that convinces the 0.001% it can sell snow to the Innuits.
We had the Jobless Recovery.
We had the undemocratic Brexit Majority.
We had the Barnier tick-free ticking clock.
We had the Brexitless Brexit Withdrawal.
We had the Death-free pandemic.
We had the violence-free Jan 6 Insurrection.
We had the immunity-free vaccines.
We have the invasion-free Ukraine invasion.
And now we have the Swastika-free Freedom Truckers.
Tune in here tomorrow for more ethereal dangers.