The love affair that dare not speak its name, allegedly. It appears I might be late to this party, but there are rather a lot of unfortunate rumours swirling around Westminster. Having had various goes at each other in the media since her little lamented (but typically lamentable) departure from the Commons last year, David Cameron and Louise Mensch, er…that is, um, do seem it is said but I couldn’t possibly etc etc.

Whether she shagged him before or after the fragrant hottie got parachuted into stylish Corby one simply cannot tell. Whether they were shagging afterwards, or might be now, we also cannot be sure. Whether there is indeed an iota of truth in any of this is also impossible to discern: it’s that solid as a story.

What can I say, beyond there appears to be nothing to it, is that, um, everyone’s talking about it.

Ah well, pass the white powder please, George. No George, the salt. Thanks.

Not much joy for Rajoy. The recently mentioned slot here about Mariano Rajoy’s PP Party being fond of brown envelopes and tax zig-zagging exploded in the Great Man’s face yesterday when disgraced former Party treasurer Luis Barcenas did his hitherto unknown talkative canary impression with Spanish newspaper El Mundo. In the piece, Barcenas (alleged to have amassed a €50m fortune in Swiss bank accounts) confirmed rumours about corruption in the Party ‘for more than twenty years’. But perhaps more to the point, Barca claimed to have documents and pc-stored data proving  ‘quarterly payments in cash to the president, general secretary and vice-secretaries of the party’. As these payments cannot have been declared as ‘income’ on their tax returns, charges of tax evasion must surely follow.

The tricky bit for the PM is that while it’s standard procedure to lie to the media, he also appears to have been telling porkies in Parliament about all this for quite some time. Oddly, Barcenas says his warblings are now at an end, as “the last thing Spain needs right now is for the Government to fall”. So, er, why mention any of it in the first place?

I hear that words like police, get Rajoy, bargain and plea will be springing to mind shortly.

Ed Militant?  Some time back I did a short piece suggesting doubts among some Labour Party grandees about how Ed Miliband managed to  ‘Unite’ the Party behind his candidature for the leadership. Many felt (as I still do) that Ed is little more than the acceptable face of Harriet Harmperson and her unpleasant hubby Jack Dromey. Both of them are big Unite Beasts, and the Ed Miller Band is notable for the incoherence of its policies: Ed, you see, must be careful not to step out of line with the Uniteys.

Accusations of Unite vote-fiddling were rife following Ed’s ‘surprise’ victory; they were never cleared up to any serious observer’s satisfaction, but now the classic Union-bully approach to ballot boxes is rearing its head again. Already the sponsor of some 48 MPs, Unite has, it seems, been recruiting new Party members in several constituencies at such a lightning speed, even many of the “members” themselves seemed unaware that they were in any political movement, let alone the Labour Party.

“Funny Business in Falkirk” is a phrase that keeps on coming up, and members of Ed’s band are encouraging him to grow some cojones in dealing with these remarkable rises in ‘membership’…..via which Unite hopes to dramatically increase the number of MPs it works from behind sponsors.

Oh dear. And it was all going so well.

Last night at The Slog: Can one be hot and cool at the same time?