Roll up, roll up….every nomic’s a winner!
Following the earlier post here this morning, voilà in the FT:
The most important change by the Bureau of Economic Analysis, to be announced on Wednesday, will be to start counting spending on research, development and copyrights as investment, and reflect pension deficits for the first time. Combined they are expected to add 3% to gross domestic product.’
Waydergo Barry! The Black Dude strikes again.
You know that part of quantum theory where there is speculation about having several realities at once? It’s arrived right here on Earth, the most insolvent planet in the known Universe, and you can create these quantum reality choices by simple having nomics. A nomic isn’t like a mnemonic (which is the essence of reality) it’s more like a sort of four-dimensional harmonica that plays a different tune depending on who’s playing it.
Yes, if you wanna get ahead, get a nomic. Guaranteed to add 3% to your gdp, which in itself sounds like the penis extension spam that comes from Asia – and is about as effective. Maybe gdp under this system stands for giant dick pretence, or on the other hand, grossly deflated penis. Either way, this makes for two things all empiricists must now bear in mind:
1. None of the US, the UK, the eurozone or the international lenders are using objective tried and tested methods to measure output: they’ve all got their own nomics.
2. More importantly, we cannot trust a single damned figure these bastards put out.
I love it, I really do. Seriously, it’s hilarious. Under Obamanomics, a copyright is an investment. Wow. And a chicken is a carrot. Great game, tell me more.
Under Osbornomics, real growth has nothing to do with the retail price index (RPI). This is almost pure Zen: you go into a shop and think the price into being what you want to pay. Guaranteed fun for all the family while out shopping, albeit baffling and bankrupting for the retailer.
Under Draghinomics, subordination is preference. Awesome. You may think you came last, but I say you came first. Why be small when you can be big? Why be old when you can be young? It’s a breakthrough in the study of eternal life.
And under Troikanomics, slump is merely a form of future growth. You better believe it, fans. This is Time travel: if you destroy the economy today, it will grow again from nothing tomorrow. Einstein was wrong! Matter can be created or destroyed: if Tim Geithner can do the loaves and fishes shtick with just one bazooka, anything is possible. Jesus Christ, eat your heart out: you fed only 5,000? What are you, a f**king amateur?
I’m sorry, this is all too ridiculous to write about in any style other than vitriolic parody. We are in Room 101. There are rats crawling all over Winston Smith’s chest as he puts up four fingers, and tells his tormentors, “I see two fingers”. And a voice comes from behind the two-way mirror.
“You have done very well Winston,” says the honeyed voice of Lord Mandelson, “Congratulations….you are cured”.