If you didn’t get home yet, here’s a few gems to help you realise how pointless the whole thing is without someone in charge with at least a vague idea about the floor/ceiling sky/grass equation. Two choices of black in the US, 3 new candidates for the England footie manager job, and the inside track on Belgium’s strategy for targeting Islamic extremists.
This from the now official candidate of the US Democratic Party:
The GOP’s “candidate” Donald Chump (that’s to say, they didn’t volunteer to have him) is chiefly a danger to Hillary in that he thinks she should be shot. Hillary is a danger to the planet in that she’s a neo-Republican Wall Street-backed foreign policy hawk.
The great thing about Western democracy is that you get to make a choice between the kettle and the pot. But it would be even nicer to be given the opportunity to vote for someone in a White Hat. Listen….as I get older, I’d settle for someone wearing a light blue-grey fedora.
In order to rebuild the English national footie side’s global credibility, the FA is currently interviewing – among other people – Sam Allardyce and Eddie Howe. The baldies at the Football Association obviously cleave to the old adage that “most humour is generated by the gap between human aspiration and human achievement”. Certainly, they’re a right bunch of comedians, fnar fnar. Anyway, it’s time to examine a handsome trio of wild cards we ought to consider for the chalice forever poisoned by Alf Ramsey 50 years ago.
- Recep Erdogan. As a fervent advocate of Tough Hate – stoning every player who misses a sitter and shooting every commentator who resists ideological fundamentalism – Mr Erdogan should surely be on the shortlist.
- Angela ‘Eddie’ Eagle. Between leadership jobs at the moment, Eagle is a visionary proponent of the soixante-neuf lesbian approach to those working on the left wing in order to feed the strikers. I find myself amazed at how, in today’s egalitarian British culture, she has not featured among the leading candidates. Former star player with Wallasey MultiOriented, Angie has already won the support of respected soccer pundit Harriet Harman.
- Eric Morecambe. Steeped in football from an early age and a former shareholder in Luton Town FC, Morecambe’s main appeal to the FA is that he is dead, and thus free to focus on the job in hand rather than giving out leaks about what a bunch of Murdoch-fattened pillocks his employers are. Nit-picking critics have pointed out that training sessions might be a problem, but gallant patriot 99 year old Vera Lynn has volunteered to interpret Eric’s mould-breaking tactics as and when their interpretation through the medium of song might be required. She will be using her famous hits Back In Your Own Back Yard, Use Your Imagination, and Am I wasting my time on You.
Ever vigilant about the threat from
Belgian Syrian extremists, Brussels police were on the ball today:
That’s the cunning thing with extremist bombers, they’re all trying to blend in.