The Twattering Classes


Nothing is real. Unreasoned hatred of Dominic Cummings, asexual LGBT and Australian storms are all fair game for media invention.


The diaphanously veiled attempt to get rid of Dominic Cummings – yet another alliance between the British Left and technocratic Remainers – was everwhere apparent today in all UK media, but especially at the “social” end of things. It served only to show that rather than voting Remain, the truly intelligent Brits voted to Leave – primarily because, throughout the day, those helping to get ‘CummingsmustGo’ trending seemed to struggle with the spelling.

It started with Cummngs, followed swiftly by Cummumgs, and got closer to the guy’s surname with Cummigms and sackcummimgs. One bright spark with brain cells in double figures then tried to get ‘DominicsGoings’ up there, with some success. At least it showed wit…but oh how we laughed at the knuckle-draggers.

As one might expect, former The Tube presenter from forty years ago Terry ‘Plank’ Christian served up the most brainless comment on it all:


Terry’s glass chin is an excellent example of how plastic surgery can go very badly wrong. At the last count, 57% of Brits supported Brexit, but to the Magic Christian, that’s a cu*t. As indeed is he.

Cheap joke (I realise) but then, the Manc Plank really isn’t worth anything more valuable in the way of comment.

We move now swiftly on to those whose pursuit of fame at all costs has resulted merely in infamy, and inadvertant self mockery. It is a tweet from the flabby hasn’t-been ‘isself, Piers Morgan….who couldn’t resist adding his own pompous BS to the Cummnungs saga:


You would think, would you not, that a justice-evader with Piers’ track record on the glass houses dimension would make him a little wary of hurling boulders in the direction of Mr Cummings – who has never to my knowledge been investigated for Insider Trading or illegal hacking of mobile phone messages.

Equally, a functioning Left Brain hemisphere (if he had one) would tell Morgan the Pirate that Cummings did not support lockdown, but rather acquiesced in the pernicious drama and modelling incompetence of Neal Ferguson only under extreme duress. Further, stats from across the globe continue to suggest that lockdown does not halt the progress of Covid19…but not being good at sums, Piers is a few sheets behind the music re this one.

But this isn’t what makes Smears Gorgon’s tweet a classic of unintentional self-mockery, oh dear me no: what achieves that is the onanistic idea of Phoney Morgan’s claim to ban all Cabinet Ministers from his Good Moaning Britain show, when none of them would be seen dead on it.

In a nutshell, ten out of ten trending comments on Twitter as I write are suggesting that the Government is utterly incompetent, Boris is educationally subnormal, and Dominic Cummings is a spawn of the same Devil that brought deadly killer virus C19 into the World.

Such does not happen by accident: this cacophony of bollocks is concerted – and being enacted by dictatorial forces who recognise the power of Crowd Action. In 1972, Dick Nixon ordered his Men to organise a mass write-in to the White House demanding that the two-terms-only Amendment be repealed. In 2020, their sons and daughters are still busy creating public opinion.

One good way to escape from this Nixonian sheep-herding today was to zoom across the Atlantic. There, the Anglospheric surfer could discover that being LGBTQ ensured that you will never be alone:


Yasmin is here to tell us that queers on the asexual and aromantic spectrum are not going anywhere. My problem is that the pc argot and received syntax changes so rapidly today, I am no longer certain why being of that nature means such lucky people will never be alone.

And by the way, Our Yasmin looks about as asexual as Lena Horne in her heyday.

And so Down Under to Australia. A mega-storm has descended upon Perth….or has it? It seems that you can even falsify and dramatise a ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ storm. Or not:


Sky reports that ‘50,000 homes and businesses are without power as it brought wind gusts of more than 60 miles per hour’.

Sixty miles an hour? Is that it? Here in Aquitaine, that’s seen as a gust.