The one where Dave is working on an app to find things you’ve lost

“Making a coronavirus vaccine delivered without needles that will protect us not only from this pandemic but the next one — that’s our goal,” Jonathan Heeney, head of the laboratory of viral zoonotics at Cambridge University, told The Times yesterday.

He’s a man of ambition on a mission: why be small when you can be tall? Why be old when you can be young? Why be Quasimodo when you can be Cary Grant?

Even Heeney’s chosen field sounds like a parody: Goonotics? Loonatics? Whatever: the vaccine is being developed by DIOSynVax, a company founded by Professor Heeney – ah, right….Oookayeee – together with the University of Cambridge and the University Hospital Southampton NHS Foundation Trust. It will receive £1.9 million in government funding for the first human trial “due to start in the Autumn”. Er, as in, like, next week.

Deconstructing this non-story, let me just summarise what bits of his goal the Good Professor has actually achieved:

  • A needle-free jab that works with compressed air? Nope.
  • A unique vaccine that trains human antibodies to resist Coronavirus in all its forms? Nope.
  • Fuck it, who cares – any kind of godamned vaccine at all? Nope.
  • £1.9 million in government funding for the first human trial? Yup.

UK comedy series The Royle Family used to be one of the high-spots of my week. It featured a dopey Lancastrian family discussing banal topics with the kind of ignorance that made you laugh – but all played with brilliantly straight faces to demonstrate that their awareness of the utter bollocks they spouted was nil.

A particular speciality was doling out unwarranted praise to son-in-law Dave, a bloke moving a deal more slowly than the props. So he’s working on a gizmo that will make little things we all lose emit a signal – thus giving the ageing population (and sticklebacks like him) a new lease of life.

“Eeee,” says his mother-in-law, “that’s grairrt Dairrv. ‘ow does it work like?”

“Hmm,” says Dave, furrowing his brow, “Well, for t’mormint like, that’s the stickin’ point, innit?”

Life imitating art. That’s what the Covid very Rocky Horror Narrative has become. Cold fusion meets South Sea Company. Professor Heeney has a week – ok, ok – let’s be generous here, five weeks – to perfect the delivery system, develop the vaccine, do an initial test on some passing airborne pig, and then submit the wonder drug to somebody qualified. Like – I dunno – Peter Horby maybe. He has the knack of polishing turds.

And then we shall have…, nothing. Until Spring 2022 – when a combo of existing (cheap) management drugs, skilled frontline medics and herd immunity will have rendered Covid19 harmless.

I do not point this out lightly: my instinct now is that – dumbed as our electorates are – the Coronavirus sting is running out of road too rapidly for the 3% to keep it up.

As I’ve been saying for a week or two now, the pressure against the liars and Pharma whores is coming almost entirely from the Good Guys and Gals working at the coalface.

Yesterday I had an animated conversation with a local GP here in France. “It’s all bullshit,” he began, “There is no Covid threat for healthy people under 60. It’s a con to make Astrazeneca and the rest even richer. I tell you, when people realise someone’s got to pay for it, there’ll be a revolution. We can’t go on like this – useless masks and searches for impossible vaccines. It’s fucking everything up”.

This guy is very discreet normally. But now he’s angry – like tens of thousands of other experienced practitioners.

The frontline medics won’t, however, be on their own for long: for the financialisation reckoning cometh too….in my view, something the élites hope to blame on Covid19…as they did during the Spring wobble. They could, however, be caught red-handed if Contrick19 gets found out before the stock, credit and and bond markets do – or vice versa.

Acutely aware of the timing element, the gold market fixers have wiped $80 off the shiney metal’s value during the last ten working days…..despite the fact that the real stuff continues to be in acutely short supply.

There is no reality any more. Price and value are distant relatives. Benign stuff is deadly. Scientifically impossible cures are Us. Work Makes Free. All Communists are Jews. We have abolished boom and bust. Strength through Joy. Might is Right. Eating people raw is fine so long as you wear a mask at all times. True Lies Save Lives.

You know it makes sense.