There follows a Google translation of the Newscorp press release issued by Newscorp re James Murdoch’s leprosy decision today…..

News Corporation today announced that, following his hasty departure by submarine from Babbacombe to the company’s headquarters in New York, James Murdoch, deputy chief operating officer, managed to relinquish his position as executive chairman of News International, the UK publishing unit, just minutes before Sue Akers slapped the cuffs on his wrists.

Tom Mockridge, chief executive officer of News International, said, “It was down to the wire an’ that, but Jimbo got to his pocket and shouted “I resign!” just before the Filth got the metal on ‘im”.

“We are all grateful for James’ poor eyesight and appalling memory at News International and across Europe and Asia, where he has perjured himself on my behalf like the good ol’ boy I always knew he was,” said Rupert Murdoch, chairman and chief executive officer, News Corporation. “He was in every way the son I never wanted, and will continue to fulfil my faith in him as a lyin’ dingo at Star TV, Sky Deutschland, Sky Italia, and BSkyB. Now that he has moved to New York, James can feel reasonably comfortable that a large contribution to the Immigration Service’s budget in these difficult times will ensure that he doesn’t have to return to England to face a lot of trumped up charges from a police force that has shown itself many times to be completely corrupt and without principle but that’s the feckan’ Poms for yer. James will now place particular focus on important pay-TV businesses: TV businesses will get stories about Newscorp, and James will pay them not to run anything.”

“I deeply appreciate the dedication and loyal support in the dock of my many terrified colleagues at News International, who work tirelessly to intercept the public’s every phone call, and am confident about the tremendous slush-fund we have created under the leadership of my humble father and Tom Mockridge,” said James Murdoch. “With the successful launch of the SOS, and new email blagging scams in place across all titles, News International is now in a strong position to build on its failures in the future. As deputy chief operating Officer, I look forward to expanding my commitment to the truth and shafting those two bastards who turned Queens on me in Wapping, and would  like to say that I think these handcuffs are just dandy and really quite exciting. Lead the way, Sue.”