Here comes a perverted version of Christmas, Shopping madness, and sick-making BBC correctness
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Never let it be said that an ageing Baby Boomer like me turns his back on the traditional British Christmas. The following carefully considered poetic lines give the lie to such a heinous suggestion:
Clear the shelves and fill the trolley
fallalalala fallalala
deck the elves and buy more Bolly
fallalalala fallalala
The Christmas tide comes in this way
to wash our problems away
Borrow from the plastic lenders
fallalalala fallalala
Someone’s murdered on Eastenders
fallalalala fallalala
Goodwill, peace and Mistletoe
tell Jess Phillips where to go
Christmas message from Queen Brenda
fallalalala fallalala
Reveals son’s a gender bender
fallalalala fallalala
Andy outed as a Queen
Owen Jones has big wet dream
End the day with telly then sack
fallalalala fallalala
Every star died 30 years back
fallalalala fallalala
Boxing Day brings new hangover
Catch the ferry down at Dover
Buy more hooch at Tesco Calais
fallalalala fallalala
Get same feeling on New Year’s Day
fallalalala fallalala
***
There is something about the maternal provisioning instinct that goes completely tonto as we approach the 21st century Christmas. It is as though every corner shop, convenience store and hypermarket might be about to close forever in the expectation of an intergalactic nuclear war.
The small but exquisitely stocked épicerie in my local village doesn’t close until 8.30 pm Christmas eve. It opens again at 8.00 am on Boxing Day. Only five hour’s worth….but surely more than enough to feed the 5,000 who (allegedly) have descended upon all of us, the better to celebrate the Redeemer’s birth.
I therefore fail to see why this panic is in any way necessary. It seems to me that we have all been bamboozled into believing in the ancient Winter Solstice idea of feast before famine.
For myself, I see no locusts. My region here is bereft of poor men in sight gathering winter fuel. There are no desperate protein-seekers fighting over the fruit of chestnut trees.
Everything has been hijacked by Mammon.
IABATO – It’s All Bollocks And That’s Official.
***
Rapper invades Christmas in new BBC bonkers intervention.
The rapper concerned – Michael Ebenazer Kwadjo Omari Owuo Jr (better known as Stormzy) – will recite from Luke’s Gospel in a BBC One programme on Christmas Day. He told a group at Kensington Avenue Primary School in Thornton Heath, south London following the election that “Boris is a very, very bad man. You know like the big, bad wolf he’s gonna come down and blow your house up. That’s right, I don’t like Boris.”
I share Stormzy’s view of Boris Johnson. The bit I can’t get my head around is the BBC allowing airtime to such blatant bias on the most important day in the Christian calendar. (Had Broadcasting House featured Jimmy Tarbuck saying he was keen to have children with Boris Johnson, I would have been equally appalled).
Whatever happened to the BBC’s untarnished reputation as a free-thinking seeker after Truth?
