Keen Slogger Lottie Garonne – Waspie pensioner and destitute expat – has cc’d me on this harrowing tale of how her faith in the United Kingdom has been destroyed by the irresponsible decision of just 52% of Britons to leave the EU….and thus completely bugger up the basis of her idyllic and much deserved retirement based on a cheap euro. If this doesn’t make Brexiteering bastards examine their consciences, then nothing will.

Below is a genuine facsimile of Lottie’s open letter to DWP boss Stephen Crabb MP:

Dear Mr Crabb

I just wanted to drop you a line and say that although I want a little bit of my pension back pretty please, I do not hold with all this foul rudeness condemning your justifiable attempts to make ends meet by minimising your tax exposure what with a growing family to think about. I’m sure you are a very busy man, and I look forward one day in due course to a civilised negotiation on the subject of perhaps getting 10 pence in the Pound back if that isn’t too much to ask.

Knowing as I do that you voted loyally to stay in the European Union (despite 70% of your ignorant countrymen unwisely turning the option down) I feel sure that this letter will meet with a sympathetic response from you, a genuinely committed Christian.

Mr Crabb, I don’t know what to do. I’m lonely little expat Lottie down here among strange and vindictive French people. I went down to the bakery this morning after learning of the Brexiteers effrontery, and John Snowballs wasn’t there – nor were there any crying 6th formers. There really are no certainties any more.
That George Osborne so well-meaning and his poor wife, what with the whiplashes and nose-powdering she must be beside herself why did all these nasty Brexiteers have to go and ruin things when it was all going so well?
I had a socialist friend round for lunch and she said “I hear Osborne’s about to resign NOW LOOK WHAT THOSE BREXINAZIS HAVE DONE”. That puzzled me as only last week even though she’s a vegan pacifist she said he should be publicly hung and his entrails eaten by the Labour National Executive which would’ve been tricky anyway as none of them eat meat either.
Not only did UKIP murder that poor Jo Cox, but they’ve compounded the crime by showing what scumbigot racenazis they are. I feel it my duty to resign from something, because everyone else is doing it…93 members of the Shadow Cabinet, Mr Cameldung himself and all those nice people who did such a great job of bringing home a piece of bacon rind in our time in April. But I don’t know whether to resign from the Liberal Democrats, the BBC or my post as Head of PR at HSBC. Do you know, until I took the job I thought Baron Green was on the Piccadilly line.
The Pound fell to parity with the Zimbabwean Remnimbi this morning and that can only do harm to lots of hardworking ordinary families who voted to Remain in all good faith. How let down they must all feel.
I was just listening to Radio Seven Dead, and they were saying that Osborne has come out as Georgina Osnée, a cross-dressing Belgian paedophile sometimes I wonder how these Brexiteer vandals can live with themselves to cause such heartache.
What should I do Mr Crabb? Like you, I voted with my wallet, and this is the thanks I get.
Sincerely
Lottie Garonne