Incorrigibly bigoted and censored as it is, the Twitter kaleidoscope offers some genuine insights into why this General election is an exercise in presenting division and denial as liberating independence. 

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Just a few of you may have noticed that the tenor of leaks and social media commentary on the tattered LibLeft wing of the British Albatross has undergone something of a change over the last thirty-six hours. Largely deficient in surging poll numbers, the quacks around the bedside of the dying Marxist prophet are already rationalising a dialectical post mortem prior to the search for the next Dalai Labour.

Dr Who and James Bond having morphed into a woman in recent times, the conformist revolutionaries who run the University of Momentum Leninist>Stalinist>Trotskyist Bourgeois Communist Cell in This Great Catholick Movement of Ours are very keen to have a frock in charge rather than a suit next time…the better to dispel an image of nasty male anti-Semitism.

If all you want to do is signal diverse cultural virtue, the obvious choice would be a Jewess. But in the 2019 socialist vanguard, they’re thin on the ground.

So while the Hunt for A Nice Red October Jewish Girl continues, John McDonnell has (in unattributed briefings) been crushing expectations of an early leadership election. But first, it’s important for him to express full support for the man he is about to shaft:

This is, lest we forget, free personal care for 3.64 million oldies, the female end of which he noticed so late, the commitment to pension justice for them missed the deadline for inclusion in the manifesto Party Bag.

Bring that down to the amount of care per person, and it comes to £2,700. If you’ve put a parent into a care home facility, you’ll quickly spot that this would pay for around 50 days of care.

One woman likely to throw her Ascot hat into the leadership ring is the less than delightful Emily Thornberry. This is what she had to say a couple of days ago:

Perhaps we need to revisit the phrase “everything to fight for”. I suggest this purely because Pro or Anti Brexit Labour Honouring the People’s Vote by Overriding It is a less than clear appeal to The People.

And – as members in Southend are campaigning to return their first ever Labour MP – it seems odd that Emily thinks there is ‘another way – Vote Labour’. Hmm. Obviously, to vote Labour is an improvement on campaigning for Labour.

Given the folk doing the campaigning, for once she may have a point.

At the more extreme end of insufferable rudeness and confusion, Our Jess Phillips also fancies herself as the first ever female Labour Prime Minister. This was her latest effort:

This tweet, I have to say, is a masterclass in joined-up philosophical thinking: “Even if you don’t want to change the world to fit in with my distorted dystopian view, support me anyway like, on the grounds that I’m well tired but issa giggle innit?”

If you say so Jess, who am I to argue?

Last but never least on the Fascist-smashing ticket, it’s time for Owen Jones to abandon his supreme confidence in the Soviet invasion of Blighty, and resort to desperate appeals to stop Comrade Corbyn from being pushed back into the sea:

Attention Putney proletariat! You will be off-message and subject to gulag prosecution if you fail in your historic duty to crush the Tory fascists and thus deliver your children into Hard Brexit!

Shame on you!

“Do you want the Tories to win?” asks Owen the Red isn’t it. Er, well, the polls suggest that more ‘working class’ people will vote Conservative than Labour this time.

Little Owen bach, maybe you should’ve thought of that earlier.

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But then, there is also the other side of the coin.

This isn’t so much a soundbite as a miserly last nibble of tapas at five to midnight on Spanish Tapas Day, when the only tapas bites left are the tangerine, anchovy and turnip options from 5 am.

Yes folks, let’s get Brexit done and then forget about the three trillion euro commitment we’ve made to the EIB, aka European Incontinent Bank.

And hark! A promise – a contract no less – from Man O’ the People Nigel Farage:

Our Nigel signs a contract that promises:

• I am not a candidate, so if TBP wins seats in Parliament, it will be leaderless
• I hereby guarantee that if my sugar-daddy Arron Banks wants to shaft two-thirds of our candidates, I shall agree to that
• I fully undertake not to threaten the Tory Party in any way whatsoever
• I totally repudiate the idea that I will change UK politics forever, as I am very happy with the very rich running everything in the best possible taste.

And somewhere between the anodyne Conservative message and the double-Dutch of Our Nigel sits Steve Baker (once the standard bearer of unequivocal Brexit) who had this to say today:

So then Steve, there’s an argument…and it’s causing chaos.

Let’s not argue. Just vote Tory.

PS Don’t mention Brexit. I did a couple of months ago, but I think I got away with it.

To sum up, Labour hates the Jews, but Team Boris doesn’t really want anarchy.

So the choice is clear.