I have finally come to despair of the Daily Telegraph. The London Times has of course long been beyond help and in the same flatlining morgue as the New York Times and Washington Post. But as long as people like Evans-Pritchard, Jacobs and Pearson were still raising the vexed subject of reality in the face of Brexit, Covid, Vaccine and Ukraine codswallop, I felt there might be some hope.
Over the last two days however, I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time commenting on puddle-shallow “analyses” therein about subjects that the authors either simply don’t understand, or understand only their task – which is to be goons in charge of Information Internment Camps. Later (perhaps) they will plead that “I voss only obeyink orders”. I shall not be listening.
Take a brief glimpse if you will at these page captures of today’s Torygraph Izvestia issue in relation to “current affairs”:
Isn’t this a belter on your right? It’s now Thursday, and last weekend the Telegraph was quoting “Pentagon Intelligence” revealing how Putin was due to invade yesterday. Not only did he not do that, he withdrew the exercises (that he’d planned months ago – check it out) and immediately faced a shower of shit for being devious. To avoid undue “fake news” embarrassment, UK Foreign Receptionist Liz Createafuss jumped in to say that Vlad hadn’t retreated far enough and was thus a pariah.
Thick Lizzie (left) was given ample space in the Seismograph to expand her dangerously blinkered view of non-events. Here are just a few truly tooth-rattling extracts:
‘Since the fall of the Iron Curtain, Russia has invaded two sovereign states while also waging a vigorous campaign to destabilise other democratic neighbours….The fact is that Russia only respects strength, so we will maintain a strong response alongside our Nato allies, including the United States…..The Ukrainian people’s resolute readiness to defend their country has made it clear that any conflict would inevitably become a painful and fraught quagmire….This is a test of our mettle. We know that Russia has the manpower and equipment to launch an invasion at any moment. We are determined to use our intelligence to deny Moscow the element of strategic surprise. That is why we have called out their attempts to install a puppet government in Kyiv and their plans for a “false flag” operation’
How to start deconstructing this piffle? Where is this vigorous ‘campaign to destabilise’ in the context of what EUNATO has been up to since 1990? What is this false flag operation? Who are these Ukrainians who think they need to defend their country? And as always, the FearWarMongering bollocks insisting that ‘Russia has the manpower and equipment to launch an invasion ‘at any moment’.
All of which brings us back to Sleepy Joe’s ‘in the next several days’ crappola. Let’s try and drill into the immediate past: six weeks ago, a Putin invasion was imminent. He said he would never invade first. He hasn’t. The Wednesday 16th February has passed, and all he’s done is withdraw. Truss says he hasn’t withdrawn enough. Now the White House hologram comes back with “several days”.
It’s like watching Little Britain and laughing at Vicki Pollard’s infantile “Yes but no but” routine. Or the old anti-racist gag about the negro nutting the Roman bull in the balls, after which the amphitheatre crowd yells “Fight fair you black bastard”.
To reduce this dysfunctional 21st century of blind ambition and casual egomania into closing observations, allow me to express two perfectly reasonable opinions: first, Foreign Secretary Liz Truss is quite happy to gamble the nuclear future of the planet as part of her all-too-obvious bid to become the next leader of the UK Conservative Party. I think that says more than any vitriol could about what an appalling narcissist she is; but second, it now appears that Defence Minister Ben Wallace is the new Tory Backbencher fab-flavour of the month for his “stand against” Russian aggression. Have you read anything that this dirigible piss and wind fatty has to say? He makes Truss look like a giant well-informed geopolitician by comparison.
Wallace (right) is one of many chancers promoted under the tutelage of Boris XVI and his hopelessly dangerous Queen, Carrie Antoinette. And yet we would all do well to remind ourselves that this régime is nowhere near psychopathic enough for those in the exalted pay-grade who want Cruel Bojotannia replaced by something more “reliable”. For tonight, I shrink from thinking about what these Hobgoblins have in mind.
In the meantime, you could do a lot worse than read AJC Boone’s satisfyingly well informed magnum opus on the reality of Russo-Ukrainian politics and realities. It is a work of artisanal revelation on the subject that will come to be regarded as definitively important.
The Slog 