Matt Hancock’s new plan to obliterate reality

I promised you a change of editorial strategy and content here earlier this week. This is the start of it, and who better to begin our Olympian Demolition of Dystopian Diaspora than a full-on former UK Minister still burrowing into the centres of Power like a Mango fly on steroids, leaving little pupae wherever he goes?

We all remember St Matthew Hancock: TV blubber extraordinaire, humanitarian (“Every morning I wake up and my sole concern is how many lives I can save that day”), constant seeker after Truth (“This vaccine has full safety clearance….it’s been rigorously tested, is completely safe and highly effective”), supporter of family values and saviour of care home residents throughout Britain by encouraging herd immunity through the eccentric medium of highly infectious NHS patients.
Sadly, he resigned in disgrace because of a staged office affair, as opposed to the much greater crimes of which he is so patently guilty.
Being a Silly Con Valley early adopter of gobbledegook and longtime digital media geek, Matt has very few of the feelings and pleasures the rest of us crave. He’s a also a tad vague on loyalty, blame acceptance, marital vows etc etc.
Which is why our Matt has decided to switch sides and join the Useless Eaters Army out to foil the wicked plans of his alma mater, Davos. It’s in the tech space of course, and it’s called the Metaverse:

‘the metaverse is a hypothetical iteration of the Internet as a single, universal and immersive virtual world that is facilitated by the use of virtual reality and augmented reality headsets. In colloquial use, a metaverse is a network of 3D virtual worlds focused on social connection’
It’s actually the failed Murdoch experiment MySpace dusted down with added 3D and your very own moving avatar likeness. Which is exactly what mover and shaker Hank wants to replace all that power he used to have, right?

He lays it on with a trowel here:

Yes folks, all Harmless Hank wants to do is be part of Whitespace and ‘the most transformative impact in ways that we simply don’t yet know’. It’s the second South Sea Company boldly going we don’t know where nor indeed what for.

Really? Matt Hancock?

As his entry vehicle into the MV space, as we can see, our Matt is using a company called White Space. White Space is very good at telling us what it’s doing in emerging tech, how its won This Gong of the Year from that Association and why lots of smiley 30-somethings want to work there. It’s less forthcoming about the real agenda, and why they just love having a moral millstone like Hancock on board. For St Matthew Our Gentleman of little Grace has a thick book full of phone numbers that represent access to muuunnnnneeeeee in large contracts. (And such is, of course, a two-way street when it comes to power and funds)

Take a look down the list of what new projects has won in recent times…then you’ll see what I mean.

Yes, it’s “defence”….or what passes for it these days. “Small object” is a euphemism for “drone”. It’s a direct contract with the Royal Navy and Air Force.

White Space is, at least partially, a front. And Matt Hancock is still working hard for the Davos-to-MI6-EUNATO axis that helped propel him up the greasy pole to a personal shot at useless scoffercide. Looking down the list of clients and appointments, it’s hard to avoid that conclusion….

Ah yes, ‘pushing the boundaries of innovation in the defense industry’ and ‘Disrupted Technology for Defence Transformation’. Just hear those heavy ironies clanging to the floor. Think ‘Ossetia’ and infrastructure sabotage, and you’re about there.

But if you think I’m making too much of this, guess who one of Hancock’s biggest rivals is going to be? Why, none other than Mark Zuckerberg:

Hands up all those who think Suckaturd ever did anything without megalomania coming into it somewhere….involving a golden gift for the fascist surveillance State?

Sorry good people, but there go the last vestiges of ‘a P2P flat Web that can’t be penetrated by the Nasties’. All that’s left to console you is a moving avatar of Matt Hancock the squeaky-clean champion of the masses.

Matthew John David Hancock (born 2 October 1978) is a British politician who served as Secretary of State for Health and Social Care from 2018 to 2021. Although he has erased his Davos grooming from Wikipedia, long before 2018 he was a nominated young leader in Schloss Schwab. He has made many speeches there about tech in defence, tech in health, health in a global world, tech and innovation in the Fourth industrial revolution and vaccine technology.On January 24th 2019, Matt Hancock met Bill Gates at The World Economic Forum for a long private meeting to discuss infection control at the global level.

In real life, he is also the winner of the 2014 Nobby Stiles Lookalike Title.